Monday, February 11, 2013

My thoughts about self image

Well I have been a little under the weather and I didn't feel fabulous at all so I don't have anything to post and that's ok because I wanted to focus on feeling as fabulous as I try to look. So now that I am feeling at least 85% better ( aside from this annoying coughing, I am going to write about the one thing that I had time to really think about on my down time and that is self image. To often I encounter women who seem to look and show that they are comfortable with themselves and the way that they look until they start to talk a little about themselves and then it seems as though they are not as well put together as they want everyone to think. Now I am an observer so I tend to look further into people then I should most times; but that is part of the compassion I have for everyone that I meet. I love reading biographies because I think that somewhere in the biography there will be an unnoticed phrase, description or maybe even one word to sum up how and what this person really feels about themselves. I am reminded of a quote I once read and it states: Your self image is your pattern. Every thought has an activity visualized. Every activity belongs to a pattern. You identify with your pattern or thought. Your patterns leads your life. Gallimore, J. G. We live in a world where everything is fashionably led from the cars we drive right down to the cell phones that we have. I don't understand who comes up with all these fashion rules and stipulations and I am not going to try to figure all that out but when it comes right down to how we as plus size women feel about ourselves then I want to inquire as much as I can to help myself as well. A lot of it has to do with educating ourselves on that which has the most interest towards us. There are so many sites that cater to plus size fashion and self image it just the matter of taking the time out to research it. Most women feel that if you show a little cleavage and wear ill fitting clothes and make a pouty face than that makes you a model. I beg to differ its more than just taking pictures and making faces because cameras don't lie and whatever is going on mentally about you will show on your face so you have to be sure that everything is right within so that everything will look right on the outside. I remember the first fashion show I did it started off as a hobby so I didn't think that much about it; but I was told that I was going to be the main attraction which meant I was going to wear the majority of the outfits and take the most picures. Well I was so excited until the day of the first rehearsal. The other ladies there were rude to me and basically no one had much to say to me, not to mention I was having some outside issues on the homefront as well. I was really overwhelmed and not feeling good about myself. I went for my makeup rehearsal and I was just worn out from the previous day. The artist that was doing my makeup kept saying that he couldn't get my makeup right because I just didn't seem like I was there. The same thing was said when I was getting my hair done. I finally had to practice walking the runway in the heels I had to wear and I guess the designer had had it so he pulled me over to the side and asked me if I really wanted to be there. I said "sure!" but I didn't mean it. He finally said we were going take a break because he wanted to talk to me personally. We talked and he asked me again was something going on with me. I finally broke down and cried and explained to him that I was having some issues at home and I was feeling like I had done something wrong beecause all the other women were being so rude to me, plus I was overwhelmed and was just not feeling pretty let alone trying to be pretty for someone else. He said something to me that I will never forget. He said that just because you are told by society how beautiful you are doesn't change how you see yourself. You have to know without a shadow of a doubt that when you look on the outside and everything you see seems ugly; and even if you see yourself as ugly; that you will always see the beauty that anyone who wants to see including yourself will see everytime you bless the world with your presence. I was going through a rough patch in my life and I had never felt I was pretty enough to take pictures let alone model anyones clothes but I did and I didn't lose anything in the process. The point I am trying to make is that my self image was not right within and it showed all over me. Its funny how people can remember the bad that someone has done but the good always goes unnoticed. Now I understand why the designer wanted to make sure everything was alright with me because he didn't want me to represent his clothes in a bad way as well as giving myself a bad image. You don't find to many people who will take the time out to be concerned in the fashion industry its rare but its some there. We have to be encouragers of ourselves. If we feel good about ourselves our self images will appear even more fabulous!

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